Lord, don't do it without ME

"All days are good, some are just better than others."

Yeah. I guess.

November has not been kind to me. Sweet?? Not quite!!! From a miscarriage to my dad having prostate surgery and my mom with a small scare, I feel like my "better" days can make an entrance into my life any day now. For every step I think I take forward, I take two back.

Im not really sure how I'm still hanging on, I just know that I am and I can honestly say its by a piece of thread. There's a strong possibility that if it were not for my children, I probably would've checked out a long time ago.

My biggest problem (I suppose) is that I hold things in. Im a therapist. Me get help? Oh no!!! I should know all of the answers right? I've held on to that belief for way too long and wow -- it has really effected me in more ways than one. It kills my friendships, its raining on my marriage and its wearing me down -- physically. Not to mention, I am mentally exhausted.

Today I had a mini breakdown. It just dawned on me that I am tired of being tired. Im tired of pretending to be okay and happy when I'm not. I have everything (well not my Phantom with Benson, the chauffeur or private island) that I want. If I want, I'll make it my business to get it but I promise I'd give it all up if I could have PEACE in my heart again. Material possessions only work for so long. Then what??

So my prayer is that whatever the big man upstairs is doing in this season, please dont do it without me.

Amen.

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